I just send an email Loaded Cup (the one, the big dream competition) telling that I won't compete this year. I'm sad now. It's the right decision, but I'm sad anyway.
I'll explain: Since this is the big goal I really want it to feel like a success. I will not step on that stage with the feeling of not being 100% in shape. I don't care how I place, but I want to look the way I want to look. I really really want to have that feeling that I'm as good as I get. Then every thing else doesn't matter. The others don't matter. I know I've won for myself. That feelings isn't here now and I can't make it on two weeks. My body can't do it. My body is begging me to start reverse dieting. I've really been fighting to improve but I'm standing still and I must realize that the time left is not enough. I know how good I can be and I'm not there now.
I'm so sad that I won't be able to do it this year but I know I will make it next year instead. I won't give up on that dream. Loaded is such a big dream. And I won't step on that stage feeling half ready. No chance.
I've learned so much on this journey. I've also been through a year of many setbacks and finding out I have metabolic issues I had to deal with and obviously still deal with. It has not been without struggle that I've come as far as I have and now I didn't even make it all the way. It feels so bad but I must be realistic and I must start my reverse diet and take care of my health and get back better and ready.
I will not do Sweden Grand Prix either. I will shoot for the Swedish Championships in October and then next spring it will be the same again, only better than ever and with more wisdom and without making the same mistakes again. Because giving up is not an option. I will step on the stage at Loaded Cup and I will be my best ever when I do it.
Thomas, Maria and I will still go down to Denmark to see Loaded Cup and be there the entire weekend. Meet Kai Greene, Dana Linn Bailey, Nathalia Melo and many other great athletes. We will also visit family now we're there and just have a great time.
I really can't wait. It will be awesome.
I'm actually also really looking forward to the reverse dieting. It will be exciting to raise the metabolism slowly and get better at the same time. I will learn even more about my body and myself. I'm excited about The Swedish Championships in October (26 weeks out now!) and I'm excited about Loaded Cup and Sweden Grand Prix next year.